Last month while I was putting together a âTop 10â of 2019, I mentioned that I was glad to have opted out of doing a top 10 of the decade. I mean ten years is a long time, and with the amount of great up-and-coming bands, underground artists, and reissues it can be hard to keep track of whatâs come out in a year, let alone ten. Which brings me to my point, I figured it would be dishonest to not write about, knowing full well, without a doubt what I thought to be the number one album of the decade, and that album isâŚ
The Bobâs Burgers Music Album. Yes, you read that right, and yes, as in âBobâs Burgers’ ‘ the hit animated television show. Iâve loved the show since the first time I watched it, a humble restaurateur with an outrageous family (The Belchers) following their dream of running a burger joint and struggling to pay rent..highly relatable in todayâs times. Not too long after the album came out in 2017, my parents were on a vacation in Florida. Knowing how much I loved the show (theyâre fans as well) they couldnât resist picking up the CD for me. It was a fun gift and my wife and I couldnât wait to play it in the car on our next long drive. Little did I know that that would be our first mistake, as those songs have now absorbed into my subconscious for all eternity leaving me randomly humming each of their catchy songs at all hours of the day.
The album starts, as it should, with the showâs theme song, the type of theme song that makes us yell âitâs on!!!â as our significant other panics as the microwave still has to count down another 20 seconds. The jangly ukulele plays and we can already picture our favorite animated family enduring disaster after disaster and putting up signage for their âgrand re-re-re-reopeningâ. The monstrous 112 track, two CD, or two LP, or deluxe box-set version, cover the series first 6 seasons, but weâre only at the beginning, so buckle it up (âbuckle it up, buckle it up or youâll dieâ).
Iâd love to do a track-by-track of this masterpiece, but as previously stated 112 tracks is a bit overwhelming. After the seriesâ theme we have âLifting Up The Skirt Of The Night â, a sexy slab of 70âs style funk from an episode where Bob has to moonlight as a cab driver to help pay for a birthday party for his daughter Tina ( already we can see itâs the heart of this family that sets it apart from other animated series). The retro synths and hilarious vocal delivery will have you moving and shaking in no time. A few tracks later we have âTheme From Banjoâ, Bob Belcher and his son Gene bond over a goofy cowboy series where the titular character âdoesnât play it for fun/ heâs just hiding his gunâ. Silly almost child-like lyrics are a common element throughout the album and should bring a smile to the faces of even the most elite music snobs.
In the second season premiere, the Belcher kids hear a rumor from Teddy(contractor and friend of the family who dines at the restaurant frequently) about a hidden treasure in the abandoned taffy factory. Teddy draws a map for them that looks like a butt revealing the whole story to be a joke, but the kids check it out anyway. While the kids, unfortunately, leave the excursion treasureless, the shows writerâs strike gold with the song âTaffy Buttâ sung by Cyndi Lauper( oh heck yeah, that one) who reveals in the song that âTeddy was right about the treasure in the buttâ. âOil Spillâ is sung by the character Tabatha Johanson, who is essentially a Tori Amos parody who singsâŚ.not so subtle songs about her vagina, â ooo itâs hot and wet and slick/ and itâs making everybody sick/ oil spill, oil spillâ she sing over a piano melody, we can almost hear her dry-humping the piano bench on this recording.
Season 3 is where things really get musical, itâs almost as if some of the episodes are written around the idea of these big musical numbers. While songs like âKill The Turkeyâ, âSilent Loveâ, âSex Sex Sex Sex Sexâ, and âThis Is Workingâ shouldnât go unmentioned, itâs the song âElectric Loveâ thatâs an album (and series) highlight. In an episode where Louise has an argument with an Edison loving substitute-teacher, sheâs forced to ditch her usual phone-it-in science fair project of a baking-soda volcano(you know, the one we all did) in favor of an Edison themed project. While struggling to find an easy out, the librarian (a real shit disturber) Mr.Ambrose, mentions âTopsy the elephantâ. While I wonât go into extreme detail about Topsy, it is a very interesting read that you should investigateâŚ.but for the sake of this piece long story short Edison electrocuted an elephant.
In an effort to get back at the teacher and his hero, Edison. Louise stages an elaborate stage play enlisting her family, landlord, and a few friends and weâre gifted with the absolutely hysterical duet âElectric Loveâ. Sung by the Belcher familyâs landlord Mr.Fischoeder and Lindaâs shockingly awkward sister Gayle, âElectric Loveâ turns the story of Topsy the elephant into an exaggerated love story between Topsy and Edison. The lyrics âBut I never noticed/the curve of her trunk/and I never noticed/his electric junkâ will have you wheezing and snorting before the songâs climax where the duet just belts the songâs title will leave you ruined.
Another highlight from the songs of season 3 include âCoal Mineâ, âWhisper In Your Eyesâ, and âI Wanna Hear Your Secretsâ all sung by the boy-band Boyz 4 Now. Boyz 4 Now perfectly parody the late 80âs/early 90âs fad of bands like New Kids On The Block (NKOTB if youâre into their edgier material), Backstreet Boys, and N*SYNC. Their softer than baby shit delivery and cheesy lyrics will have you groaning before erupting into laughter. â Would you be mine?/coal mine/would you be mine?/ diamond mine/Iâll pick you, can our love begin?/tell me now before my heart caves inââŚ.brutal right? âI Wanna Hear Your Secretsâ is about being really interested in your crush, what they had for lunch, what friend theyâre mad at, even what took place in the bathroom. âYou just went to the bathroom/number 1 or number 2?/I wanna know everything/everything âbout youâ. It should be stated that if you think youâre too good for a pee-pee poo-poo joke…maybe this album isnât for you.
Skipping ahead a little brings us to about the halfway mark of the double album, and weâre at another great trilogy of songs from an episode where Linda Belcher lives out her rockstar fantasy by getting the old band back together to play the high-school reunion and take her place on the throne after having lost to rival group Bad Hair Day(who are now world-famous). Bad Hair Day play their hit song âWe Won The Talent Showâ a leather clad hard-rock song about how great their lives have been since well…winning the talent show in high-school. âIâve never had to change my pants/Iâve never moisturized my hands/I sleep with anyone I want/I own a mountain in Vermontâ…pretty glamorous stuff!
âDerek Dematopolisâ is a ballad about Gayleâs high-school crush of the same name. The song is the perfect trifecta of awkward, uncomfortable, and hilarious..but hey high-school was a pretty strange time for all of us. âDerek Dematopolis/your neck hair makes me weak/wonât you enter my acropolis/and make my yogurt Greekâ Gayle sings in a breathy voice over the piano ballad(please note Iâm laughing to myself as typed that last part).
Before Lizzo became a household name, Linda Belcher was the body-positive icon we didnât know we needed. âNot Bad For Havinâ 3 Kids’ ‘ is an anthem for all the moms about still having all your âsexy partsâ…well at least 2/5 anyway. âThis is down here/but should be up there/this is kind of loose/and I think it might tear ” belts Linda absolutely owning it…not bad for having 3 kids.
âThe Fart Song ” is another song that absolutely canât go unmentioned. In this episode of the show the Belcher kids have to write an essay for a school exhibition about well…how much they love their school. When Bob and Linda attend the event they canât help but notice the absence of their kidâs essays, apparently, theyâve been deemed too offensive. In Geneâs story, Wagstaff Elementary is now The Fart School For The Gifted, where all the children listen to Geneâs farts and keyboard fart sounds. The evil guidance counselor Mr.Frond confiscates the keyboard and the children rebel.
âThe Fart Songâ is about being loud and proud with a chorus so rocking, so epic, so timeless that even Freddie Mercury and his Queen bandmates would seethe with jealousy. âItâs that gas from your ass/itâs that toot from your boot/that hum from your bum/itâs that loot in your chute/all that air from your own derriere/come on and set it free/ âcause farts are liberty!â sing Gene and the rest of the children in a joyful act of rebellion during the anthemic power-pop song until Gene plays a fart sample so loud the school explodes!
âWharf Of Wonder ” is noteworthy as itâs a pretty goofy take on James Bond themes, but weâll jump ahead a bit to âDie Hard/Working Girl Musical Medleyâ and âWork Hard Or Die Trying Girlâ. These songs bring together two of the biggest movies of the 80âs Working Girl and the Christmas classic Die Hard(OMFG could you imagine thinking Die Hard is a Christmas movie? LOL) in the form of a hybrid stage musical. If the lyrics âI’m Grubinâ/Iâm Hans Gruber and Iâm Grubinâ/and sometimes that can mean shooting/Mr.Takagi in the head ” don’t make you belly-laugh then Iâm afraid maybe nothing will.
âLove Is In Control(Finger On The Trigger)â is a solid take on the Donna Summer classic performed by a less than sober Bob, but it is shortly followed up by fan-favorite âHappy Crappy Placeâ. After waiting and waiting to become a member of the local community garden, Bob is finally accepted…but at a cost, he makes an agreement with Cynthia (who Linda finds insufferable) to hire her son Logan(Louiseâs rival) for a summer program. Bob finally finds his happy place and starts to become a real green thumb leaving Louise and Linda to spend their days suffering with Logan and Cynthia. âThe only thing greener than this grass is my thumbâ exclaims Bob, â howâd we ever get stuck with these bums?â reply Linda and Louise âthe restaurantâs now a crappy place/ I think I found my happy placeâ. Some other fun ones from season 5 include âDate Nightâ, âI Donât Need Musicâ, âBM In The PMâ, and âIâm Falling For Helenâ
*Exhales deeply* alright, weâre almost there, weâre about to jump into the last of the songs on The Bobâs Burgers Music Album weâre finally into the music of season 6. Our new favorite boy band Boyz 4 Now make another appearance with âI Love You So Much(Itâs Scary) in a Halloween themed episode. âWhen I see you, I fall apart like a zombie/I got too nervous to ask you out to the prom-bieâ the band croons as they take you back to those long sleepless nights where youâd stay awake wondering if you were âTeam Edwardâ or âTeam Jacobâ.
Some other fun ones from season 6 are âCease And Desistâ, âButt Phoneâ, and âI Love Charadesâ but we must absolutely talk about âBad Stuff Happens In The Bathroomâ. In the midst of a prank war between the Belcher children, Bob becomes an unfortunate casualty and is glued to the restaurantâs toiletâŚ.but of course, it would happen to coincide with his big interview with Coasters magazine (a foodie magazine).
In a duet thatâs too funny, Bob remains hopefully optimistic, while Louise tries to deny any blame whatsoever. âBad stuff happens in the bathroom/Iâm just glad that it happens in a vacuum/canât let them see me with my pants down/Coasters magazine is gonna be my big chance nowâ sings Bob, while Louise tries to plead her case, âletâs be clear, I did absolutely nothing wrong/Iâm not to blame, itâs not my fault/this is just to say, if Gene had pooped like every day this would’ve all just blown awayâ, the two then sing their verses together and bring their duet to itâs epic finale.âBad Stuff Happens In The Bathroomâ is a spectacular way to wrap up the decadeâs best album, congratulations, youâve made it though 107 songs over Bobâs Burgers first 6 seasons.
⌅But wait thereâs more! I know, I know 107 songs just wasnât quite enough. Luckily âBobâs Buskersâ are here to deliver. But who are these â Bobâs Buskersâ, well itâs some of some of Sub Popâs best current artists…oh yeah thatâs right The Bobâs Burgers Music Album was released through Sub Pop (Nirvana, Soundgarden, The Jesus And Mary Chain, Mudhoney, The Postal Service, and many many more)!
St.Vincent kicks things off with a rocking cover of âBad Girlsâ, a tween anthem that only a true badass would understand from an episode where Tina Belcher starts to fall in with the wrong crowd at school. âBad girls donât like to go to dog prom/and bad girls donât like to pay for lip balmâ sings St. Vincent over distorted guitars dripping with punk rock energy. âBad Girls like to fight with their moms/ and bad girls donât use pads just tamponsâ…what is happening to our dear sweet Tina? This version features some pretty wicked fretwork and a pretty rad guitar solo…but what I really want to know is âare the boys and their cute butts really worth all thisâ?
Stephin Merritt and Kenny Mellman do a fun version of âElectric Loveâ but popular indie band The National take over the rest of the cover versions of âSailors In Your Mouthâ, âChristmas Magicâ, and âBad Stuff happens In The Bathroomâ( which also features Lapsley). The National do a really great job of owning their versions of these songs, taking them from upbeat, and fun-filled to almost seriousâŚ.almost. This is especially prominent in their version of âGravy Boatâ, originally a duet featuring Lindaâs signature showtunes style with some help from her sister Gayle, it is now turned into the melancholic âSailors In Your Mouthâ. On the surface it may seem like a serious ballad…but itâs really just a song about Thanksgiving and gravy, but by the time the chorus âsailors in your mouth/what Thanksgivingâs all aboutâ youâve already wept a single tear at how beautiful it is.
So thatâs it weâve conquered all 112 tracks on the decadeâs best album. Weâve laughed, weâve really laughed, weâve laughed so hard weâve cried, and well maybe weâve just plain cried a little bit. As weâve probably deduced by now The Bobâs Burgers Music Album is a must have for any die-hard fan of the show. More casual fans can be lured in by the fact that some of their favourite comedians have been featured on the show and some of these songs(Paul Rudd, Aziz Ansari, Sarah Silverman and Zach Galifianakis to name a few). Bobâs Burgers is currently airing their 10th season, and a movie is scheduled to be released summer 2020, so hereâs hoping The Bobâs Burgers Music Album Vol 2 will be released in a few years time…and maybe just maybe come 2030 youâll be reading about the best album of the next decade.
Written by Russ Walsh, owner of Sour Cat Records on 9th St E in Owen Sound ON.
You can pick up Bob’s Burgers Music Album and many others at his new spot. You can also pick up the newest Rrampt magazine there!
